If You Can't Say Something Nice......

I've recently experienced several instances of people using unkind words to belittle and otherwise make another person feel less than valued. It caused me to think about how our words can either lift another person up, or tear him down. These experiences were all while being online, in emails and in blogs. Some experiences were politically based, while enduring yet another election for the Advisory Board of the USGenWeb Project, the world's first Internet source for free genealogy records in the United States. Since I was elected to a two-year position on the Board last year, I didn't have to go through what some of the candidates did who were running for office this year. This year was a particularly nasty year for politics in the USGenWeb Project. The other instances are related to a friend's blog space, and comments left by well-meaning people who thought they were offering constructive criticism. I guess. In retrospect, I'm not sure what they thought they were doing. Maybe they were only being mean.

Sometimes even the most chicken-hearted of us will gather immense courage and tell others what we think of them, their thoughts, their lives and anything else we can think of--mostly non-complimentary--in an email or as a comment to a blog. Most of us would NEVER dream of saying these things to someone's face, but we will let fly with the most uncomplimentary and vicious commentary we can dream up when it's done in writing and on the 'web. Whether spoken or written, words can uplift, and words can hurt.

I seem to have been raised by two rules: The Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you), and Thumper's Rule: "If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say nuthin' at all!" For those who have never seen Walt Disney's "Bambi"--don't walk--run to your nearest video store and rent it, especially if you are one who finds it difficult to hold your tongue. I try to treat other people in the same way I would like to be treated. I'm not perfect, but the important thing is that I am trying. Are you?

In our Church's April 2007 General Conference, one of my most well-remembered talks was by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, who gave a talk entitled "The Tongue of Angels." For anyone reading this who is of the LDS faith, you can read this talk in the May 2007 Ensign or online (whether LDS or not) at LDS.org. Here are a few of thoughts from his talk that struck home with me:
"The voice that bears profound testimony, utters fervent prayer, and sings the hymns of Zion, can be the same voice that berates and criticizes, embarrasses and demeans, inflicts pain and destroys the spirit of oneself and of others in the process." Another quote, which I believe comes from James: "Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing."

From Paul: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but only that which is good...[and] edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God....Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you...And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

And finally, from Elder Holland: "Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity, the three great Christiam imperatives so desperately needed in the world today. With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears can be dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return, confidence can prevail."

I'm sure the people of whom I speak were either caught up in the heat of the moment, or had taken leave of their senses. There was absolutely no reason for anyone to have been spoken of the way these individuals were. A great deal of damage was probably done to these individuals' psyches. Many of us struggle with self-esteem issues at best, and to have to read emails and other messages that are not uplifting, does just the opposite. My advice--and I've lived long enough on this earth now that I am of the generation who can freely and without give advice--is pure and simple. There is no need to dash of a nasty comment to someone, whether in person or an email. Think before you speak or write. If what you have to say is uplifting and something that you would enjoy receiving in an email or whatever, then go ahead and say it or write it. BUT, if what you are about to say would be something that would be hurtful to you if you received it, then......

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT ................... OR SEW YOUR FINGERS TO YOUR PANTS!