If You Can't Say Something Nice......

I've recently experienced several instances of people using unkind words to belittle and otherwise make another person feel less than valued. It caused me to think about how our words can either lift another person up, or tear him down. These experiences were all while being online, in emails and in blogs. Some experiences were politically based, while enduring yet another election for the Advisory Board of the USGenWeb Project, the world's first Internet source for free genealogy records in the United States. Since I was elected to a two-year position on the Board last year, I didn't have to go through what some of the candidates did who were running for office this year. This year was a particularly nasty year for politics in the USGenWeb Project. The other instances are related to a friend's blog space, and comments left by well-meaning people who thought they were offering constructive criticism. I guess. In retrospect, I'm not sure what they thought they were doing. Maybe they were only being mean.

Sometimes even the most chicken-hearted of us will gather immense courage and tell others what we think of them, their thoughts, their lives and anything else we can think of--mostly non-complimentary--in an email or as a comment to a blog. Most of us would NEVER dream of saying these things to someone's face, but we will let fly with the most uncomplimentary and vicious commentary we can dream up when it's done in writing and on the 'web. Whether spoken or written, words can uplift, and words can hurt.

I seem to have been raised by two rules: The Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you), and Thumper's Rule: "If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say nuthin' at all!" For those who have never seen Walt Disney's "Bambi"--don't walk--run to your nearest video store and rent it, especially if you are one who finds it difficult to hold your tongue. I try to treat other people in the same way I would like to be treated. I'm not perfect, but the important thing is that I am trying. Are you?

In our Church's April 2007 General Conference, one of my most well-remembered talks was by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, who gave a talk entitled "The Tongue of Angels." For anyone reading this who is of the LDS faith, you can read this talk in the May 2007 Ensign or online (whether LDS or not) at LDS.org. Here are a few of thoughts from his talk that struck home with me:
"The voice that bears profound testimony, utters fervent prayer, and sings the hymns of Zion, can be the same voice that berates and criticizes, embarrasses and demeans, inflicts pain and destroys the spirit of oneself and of others in the process." Another quote, which I believe comes from James: "Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing."

From Paul: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but only that which is good...[and] edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God....Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you...And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

And finally, from Elder Holland: "Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity, the three great Christiam imperatives so desperately needed in the world today. With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears can be dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return, confidence can prevail."

I'm sure the people of whom I speak were either caught up in the heat of the moment, or had taken leave of their senses. There was absolutely no reason for anyone to have been spoken of the way these individuals were. A great deal of damage was probably done to these individuals' psyches. Many of us struggle with self-esteem issues at best, and to have to read emails and other messages that are not uplifting, does just the opposite. My advice--and I've lived long enough on this earth now that I am of the generation who can freely and without give advice--is pure and simple. There is no need to dash of a nasty comment to someone, whether in person or an email. Think before you speak or write. If what you have to say is uplifting and something that you would enjoy receiving in an email or whatever, then go ahead and say it or write it. BUT, if what you are about to say would be something that would be hurtful to you if you received it, then......

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT ................... OR SEW YOUR FINGERS TO YOUR PANTS!

Family Reunion

A little over a week ago, dh & I went to a family reunion of sorts, at "Uncle Bill's" house. In an earlier post I talked about his death, and a bit about his life. This reunion was a gathering of Bill's friends and family, to talk about his life and reminisce for a while. All 5 of his children were there. It's been a long time since we've seen some of them. One of his sons distanced himself from his family many years ago, another one just has been too busy with his job as a truck driver to get away very often. Still, it was a good visit. We now have addresses and phone numbers for all our nieces and nephews, we know where they are, and hopefully we will keep in better touch over the next few years than we have in the past.

If nothing else, a Christmas card, or birthday cards if I can find all their birthdays.

Uncle Bill

On Monday, we learned that dh's oldest brother, Bill, had passed away the day before. To our kids, he was simply "Uncle Bill." It had been years since we had done anything to speak of with "Uncle Bill." Our three younger children have probably only met him once or twice in their young lives. The three older ones may have some distant memories of him and his family. In our younger days, we used to do quite a bit with "Uncle Bill" and "Aunt Emmie." After our return from Seattle in 1985, our relationship was never quite the same.

To me, "Uncle Bill" was the epitome of the quote we've probably all seen that reads, "Some people's only purpose in life is to serve as a bad example." That would be Uncle Bill's life, in a nutshell. Born in 1940, the second child and oldest son of my in-law's, he had such potential. He was a talented mechanic who could fix anything with a motor. He loved gardening, and after he moved to a home with acreage, always planted a huge garden that was the envy of most of us. He shared his produce with us many times, and undoubtedly other friends and relatives as well. And he loved fishing, both from a boat as well as from land. With all these wonderful talents and qualities, why do I think of his life as just a bad example? Read on!

Uncle Bill had one vice that probably killed him--alcohol! Always a heavy drinker, this seemed to get worse after Aunt Emmie died in 1993. He would begin his drinking day first thing in the morning and didn't quit until bedtime. My dh learned that if he wanted a decent coversation with his oldest brother, he needed to call him early in the morning before the booze got too heavy a stranglehold on him and ruined him for the day. It was something that he just seemed to never be able to overcome. It cut short his life and made life miserable for those who knew and loved him. He was never able to reach his full potential because of this affliction.

Alcoholism runs in this family. Aunt Sandy (dh's sister) told me once that their Norwegian-born grandmother rushed out to the bars just as soon as she could following the birth of her first child. When I heard this story, I got the impression that this was the reason their grandfather deserted his family when my father-in-law was a small child. Raised a Quaker, "Grandpa Lester" probably didn't know how to deal with this except to leave. She also told us that "Uncle Ben," dh's uncle & father-in-law's younger brother, was an alcoholic as well. And the story my father-in-law told of meeting the LDS missionaries with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other, made me think that he may have been on his way down that path as well. When he embraced the gospel, he quit these bad habits.

We all have the opportunity to change. If we have bad habits or traints that are detrimental to our character, we can change them. This is one of the joys of life, and a great principle of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We are not locked into the things that are not good. I have seen examples of change in people around me, those I know only casually as well as those close to me. I am thankful for this principle.

As for Uncle Bill, I am sure he will be constantly reminded of the errors he made in this life. I found it interesting that as we told each of our older children of his passing, they all said, in essence, "I'll bet he's getting quite a lecture from Grandma Nora." I believe that we can still change in the next life. I hope so, because I know when I die I will still be far from perfect.

Uncle Bill, I am sure that when we meet you in the next life, you will be a better person. While I'm not ready for that life yet, I look forward to meeting you there, when the time comes.

Colorado Trip--Update

The best-laid plans of mice and men..................

I had fully intended to begin updating our Colorado trip last Friday, but as luck would have it, our WIFI connection at the motel was non-existant. Every time a big SUV parked in the spot next to ours, we'd lose the connection. So, my good intentions went down the drain.

We did make it home just fine, a nicer trip than the going one because we got smart and decided to spend the night in Ogden rather than drive straight home. So we got home around 7:30 p.m. Sunday night in much better shape than we would have otherwise.

And really, I will post more on the rest of the trip in the next few days.

Colorado Bound

I had intended to make this a travelog of sorts, detailing our trip to Colorado Springs to visit family, including our trip and other things we've done. However, wifi at the motel we're staying at has been less than ideal, so wasn't able to do what I wanted. So I will try to catch up here as I can, since we're leaving to go home in just a little more than a day. Stay tuned for more tomorrow! I plan to cover the journey and first day, wireless connection permitting.

The Parable of the Popcorn Popper

Once upon a time, in a city far to the north, lived a family, not a large family, not a small one either. There was a mother, a father and three little girls. They were happy in their home to the north.

One day, as often happens to young families, they found themselves a few days away from payday, with only a small amount of money left to get them through until more money arrived. There wasn't enough to do anything to speak of. Certainly not enough for food for very many days, although the family was fortunate that there was enough food in their cupboards to get them through until the aforesaid payday, if necessary.

The father and mother went to the grocery store, to get a few things they needed. They looked at the small amount of money in their hand so they could carefully decide how best to spend their money. As they went down the aisles of the grocery
store, something caught their eye!

What is this? Why, it is a small appliance most marvelous to behold! It's a.......................popcorn popper. Not just an ordinary popcorn popper, it's an air popper. A most marvelous invention, and one that would be much used by this little family.

Why, look! The price is only $14! Do you think............?

Carefully counting the money they had in hand, they realized they had enough to cover the purchase of the popcorn popper, including sales tax. Looking at the few items of food they could have purchased, and comparing it to this marvelous
appliance, a decision was made!

Mother and Father came home, triumphantly bringing their purchase. The young girls wondered why their parents seemed to be so exuberant about buying a few groceries with the pittance they had in hand. Out of the sack came their purchase:

THE POPCORN POPPER! THE SHARPEST LOOKING, YELLOW & WHITE AIR POPPER that $14 plus tax could buy!

The girls were ecstatic! They rinsed off the parts that could be rinsed, set it on the counter, pulled out the popcorn and following manufacturers directions, proceeded to experiment with their new toy. A wonderful smell soon filled the house, and the young girls and their parents settled down with bowls full of hot-buttered popcorn, possibly the best hot buttered popcorn they had ever tasted, with the possible exception of what is available in movie theaters.

To this day this family still remembers the popcorn popper mom & dad bought with the last of their money. They enjoyed many years of great popcorn made from this popper. And they remember how the last money they would see for several days was spent on this popcorn popper. And every time this family would get down to their last few dollars before the next payday, someone would mention this marvelous popcorn popper. And perhaps they would go out and spend the last of their money on something as frivolous as that popcorn popper.

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Addendum:

Many years have passed since we purchased that popcorn popper back in Seattle in the late 1970's. We've added three more children to our family, and the original air popper was replaced several years ago by a similar model bought at a garage sale. The original air popper served us well for many years. And we notice that whenever we are low on money, or many of our now-grown children for that matter, we usually spend it on something that isn't vital. All in memory of our marvelous air
popcorn popper!

"All You Can Eat"

Why is it that when you go to a buffet restaurant, you feel obligated to stuff yourself silly to get the most for your money????? We certainly don't order another meal when we're eating at a sit-down restaurant, why do we feel it necessary to eat two (or more) meals at one sitting at a buffet?

Saturday night we went to our local Hometown Buffet for dinner with my brother & his wife, to celebrate my dh's impending doom-er-birthday. The cost was something like $10.89 per person, which is pretty cheap for a dinner if you've eaten at a regular sit-down restaurant lately and noticed their prices. There is a LOT of food to choose from. I can fill up on the salad bar and not have room for the regular part of the meal if I'm not careful, but this time I limited myself to a helping of tossed salad and seafood salad. And the choices for entrees and side dishes is seemingly endless. I've watched the same people walk by with plate after plate of food and wonder where they put it. And how do they feel when they're done?

Now if you eat at a regular restaurant, their portions are usually generous too, but you don't have that variety of dishes to choose from. You spend the same or even more, depending on where you eat. One benefit of of a sit-down restaurant is that you can take home your leftovers--something that isn't allowed at a buffet. But you usually stop before you're too full, and at least for us, we don't order a dessert with our meal.

Maybe that's why we eat until we're stuffed to the gills. We can't take home the leftovers, so we feel obligated to eat everything in sight. It is going to take some serious control to limit ourselves to just what fills us comfortably, and leave some of those other dishes to try at another time. Hubby & I usually walk/waddle out of there feeling physically ill because we've overeaten. And three hours later, when sister-in-law says, "Are you ready for dessert?" we usually aren't. But we eat it anyway, and regret it for the rest of the evening and even into the next day.

So if you decide to eat at your local buffet restaurant, here are some key points to remember:

1. Stop before you're full. You've already gotten your money's worth with the salad bar and first plate of food, no need to try every dish. Save something for your next visit.

2. Eat dessert first. One of our daughters will select a couple of tasty-looking desserts and eat those before she embarks on the rest of the menu. She says she never has room for dessert at the end. This is her way of making sure she gets her just desserts, too.

3. We've never tried it, but hubby threatens to wear a jacket with plastic-lined pockets for leftovers. If you're daring enough, give this a shot. I don't know what they'd do to you if you got caught, though.

I'm still waiting for the wisdom they say comes with age. At least at our local buffet restaurant, I'm not seeing it yet. Maybe next time..........